There used to be a time when it seemed as if I couldn’t breathe without being in a relationship. Like a bee goes from flower to flower in search of nectar, I would go from one relationship immediately to the next looking for satisfaction.
I hate to admit it but I was clingy – very clingy. However, now I know it was because I didn’t love myself and because I didn’t love God. I just needed attention from someone – anyone to make me feel good about myself since I had a desperate need to make up for the self-esteem that I lacked.
Fast-forward to today and I couldn’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve been in a relationship.
So, why has it been so long? Well, it certainly wasn’t due to a lack of trying. However, during my desperate quest to find a new victim, the Lord started to speak to me.
He started to show me that I was worth more than the bargain price that I’d placed on myself. I began to realize that I was short-changing my heart because there was so much greater that God wanted for me. It was clear that I needed to make a change.
Shortly afterward, I gave my life to Christ and He gave me power over those feelings of low self-esteem and lustful desires, that made me feel like I always needed to be in a meaningless relationship.
As a result, I’m now content with being single and I’m enjoying this time with the Lord. It’s Just Jesus and me. No distractions.
Others may not have found this peace yet, but if you’re single as well, don’t be discouraged. It doesn’t mean that you’re missing out on anything, but you’re just in a different position in your life right now than those who’ve already tied the knot. Try to look at this time as a great opportunity to pour your all into serving the Lord.
And if you truly desire to get married one day, then that day will eventually come. On that note, I would like to share with you three things that I believe are important to consider when looking for a spouse, and maybe these things can help you too. So, here it goes.
1. The Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14). It makes sense. The concept is no different than if a person who wants kids tries to hook up with someone who doesn’t want kids. It’s ultimately not going to work. Two cannot walk together except they agree (Amos 3:3). Make sure that the person is a genuine follower of Jesus Christ, and that they delight in following His commandments.
2. Don’t merely search for a spouse. Seek a prayer partner. Prayer changes things. Prayer gets us through the toughest of times, so the person should love to pray. I don’t know about you, but I need to know that in times of trouble, I can get down on my knees with this person and call out to God until we touch Heaven. A family that prays together, stays together because the Lord is their foundation and nothing built on that Rock will fall. Nothing.
3. Do they love God with all their heart, with all their soul, and all their mind and strength (Mark 12:30)? This is a very important question to consider because everything ultimately falls under this umbrella. The person should love God more than anything and anyone. Our love for God cannot be contained, so it has no choice but to overflow. As a result, we radiate a great and powerful love toward others that we couldn’t possibly emit on our own. We can properly love others when we love God more than anything. Remember, if we put God first then everything else will fall into place – including our love lives.
Now, I realize that some people will never have a desire to get married and that’s wonderful. But, if you do have the desire, it’s possible that you might feel lonely and discouraged right now, but listen: don’t give up hope.
While you wait, I encourage you to enjoy this time with God by serving, studying, praying, and growing closer to our Heavenly Father. If we Delight ourselves in the Lord, then He will give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). We don’t have to keep settling for less, but if we patiently wait on Him, He will send us that perfect person whom He’s custom-made for us.
In the meantime, might I suggest to you as a friend once did to me: Pray for yourself as well as for your future spouse. Ask God to prepare your hearts and your minds for your upcoming roles as husband and wife. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and He will bring you two together at the appointed time.
He is able. God bless!
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Gen. 2:18 (NKJV)
Do you have an uplifting message for Christian singles? Have a story about Christian dating you’d like to share? Are you married and have advice or encouragement for those that are waiting? Leave a comment below!